Secrets of Online Dating: Stupid Mistakes Men Make

Secrets of Online DatingAnyone who’s spent some time on the internet knows Online Dating, I’ve met some really fantastic men this way, and I highly recommend it as part of your over all plan to get out there and meet great women. It can be an incredibly powerful tool if you use it right.

I think, however, that it’s time for a refresher course on just what “using it right” means. Because unfortunately there are still far too many men out there who are (sorry to be frank), totally blowing chunks at the Online Dating game.

So here’s a quick refresher course of exactly what not to do if you want to succeed at the Online Dating:

Ignore What She Wrote in Her Profile

As a writer I take great pride in writing a profile that really expresses the essence of me, so the men who ignore what I’ve written just aren’t going to score points with me. I’m pretty clear on my profile that very clear that I’m a bit of a brainiac, so you might be able to see what the following message I received this week didn’t quite do it for me:

Headline: Hi

Body of his message: just stopping by to see if i catch your intress

I have no problem at all with the headline. “Hi” is just fine by me as a way of introducing yourself, but the body of his message made me grimace because it showed clearly that he hadn’t taken the time to read my profile. No matter how hot the woman is in her photo take the time to read her profile, it’ll clue you in on how to approach her with success. Let’s be clear here – the smarter the woman, the smarter your approach needs to be, and the more you need to spell check what you’re written.

Insult Her Thinking It’ll Spark Her Interest

Here’s the deal, the sort of totally hot, used-to-getting-whatever-she-wants women with whom using edgy, funny, put down humor to knock her off her pedestal are far far fewer in numbers than men believe. Women, even incredibly hot sexy women often have poor self-esteem, and even if they don’t have poor self-esteem, they don’t necessarily have over sized egos that handle insults and teasing well.

I have had men write to me that it was “their job to knock me down a notch,” that my “stomach was too flat in my photo” and just recently I had a man decide that I was completely full of myself by what I wrote on my profile. Here’s his charming note:

You are visually/aesthetically quintessential. Cerebrally, you seem to be on a par or maybe better. But the unmerited and unwarranted HUBRISS is just revolting. You are not all you think you are.


The guy who wrote this, by the way, was very hot. His compliment on my appearance, I thought, was over the top (though nice to hear), but why did he feel the need to judge me on what I wrote? If you don’t like what a woman has to say, and you’re looking for more than an argument, move on. Women on Online Dating sites are looking for fun, or love, or both – they’re not looking to be lectured by someone who doesn’t get where they’re coming from.

Make Your First Contact All About You

This is a huge mistake I see men make this mistake all the time, they refuse to take the time to create an interesting Online Dating profile, but then write a letter to a woman in the first contact that basically contains their resume. I’ve had men write me emails that were at least two pages long!

Yes, a beautiful, intelligent woman’s profile can make you want to brag as much as possible to gain her interest. Don’t. The first contact isn’t about you – it’s about her. What did you read in her profile that caught your interest and curiosity? Write about that. What do you feel you have in common? Write about that – but whatever you do make your first email short.

Post No Picture But Expect Women to Write Back Anyway

Play fair. You’re drawn by a woman’s photo first. You might find that you really like what she has to say, but own up to the fact that it was her photo that caught your interest. Too many men expect women to be open to the “real” them before sharing a photo with a woman, yet only write to women who have profiles with pictures.

Post an Unflattering Photo of Yourself on Your Profile

Why in he world would you want to show yourself off to less than your best advantage when you’re looking for love, or even to get lucky? I’m amazed and appalled by how bad most men’s photos are. This is your shot guys! This is your opportunity to get your foot in the door! Don’t be lazy and post some lame assed photo of yourself thinking women don’t care about appearances. They do!

Don’t Post a Picture of Your Private Parts Unless You’re on an Adult Encounter Website

One of the fascinating outcomes of Online Dating is that men themselves are becoming exhibitionists. The problem with this is that they don’t realize a photo on a profile of a man’s headless torso with ripped abs (or even flabby abs) and an erect Private Parts in a pair of boxers, or just the erect Private Parts itself, doesn’t turn on most women the way a woman’s anonymous body can turn on a man.

One of my dearest friends, a very smart, sexy, incredibly funny woman recently told me she couldn’t handle the Online Dating site I recommended to her because there were “just too many naked Private Parts waving at her.” I was surprised because the last time I’d been there there hadn’t been any, but apparently the site has been bought out and has taken a decidedly more erotic turn.

As a rule of thumb don’t post picks of your body without your head on Online Dating sites unless they’re specifically for “Adult Encounters” where the women won’t be offended, but are specifically looking for just that sort of thing! There are a lot more women today looking for that kind of thing (because of the internet) than ten years ago, but generally only on adult dating sites.

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